Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
