i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
