it hurts more in the daytime
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
