she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
