Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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