can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
