Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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