K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
