I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
