It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
