dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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