Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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