Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize