I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize