Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
