I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
