I cannot find my penis.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
