As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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