Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize