Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
