Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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