i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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