I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
