You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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