can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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