Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
