Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
