No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
