You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
