I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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