Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
