Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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