so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize