I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
