Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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