my phone needs a breathalizer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
