It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
