girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
