dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
its liver damage thursday
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
