I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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