ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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