i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
