he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
