Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
