But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
