Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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