She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
