Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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