i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
