I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
