Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
