I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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