Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize