eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
