yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize