It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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