I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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