Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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