i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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